By Jean Kirshenbaum
(May 27, 2010) Hard-court tennis can be like a fast-food dinner: it fills a void, but is not necessarily as nourishing for the stomach or soul as the multi-course meal that is the French Open feast on red clay.
Clay requires both active feet and a contemplative mind. Now that French Open play has ended for the day it offers time to reflect on what tennis has meant for me throughout my life. Doesn’t every tennis player do this?
The majors demonstrate my commitment as a fan — hours and hours of watching tennis on TV, listening to the cockamamie syntax of the commentators, which drives my husband, Gary, nuts. I am also a player of many decades who has experienced the fun, exercise, pride, frustration, disappointment, and the other highs and lows that come along with this wonderful sport. But, perhaps what’s been more important to me than playing and watching is the big influence tennis has had on the rest of my life, both positively and negatively.
It has not only changed my life, it has helped me to get through it. And it almost killed me, too. That sounds dramatic, I know. Keep reading.
Tennis has opened many doors for me — not in the way that they say that golf leads to business contacts, or bowling to beer— but to long-lasting friendships and new horizons. Most important, it has unexpectedly eased me through a number of life transitions.
I am not alone. Tennis has been a source of personal growth, life lessons, and character development for many people. Tennis has given me all this and more. The "more" is that it’s not just a sport. It is a membrane that has connected many significant life events and transitions, beginning with summer camp, where my first boyfriend was the tennis coach. He taught me well enough so that I made the high school tennis team, which was followed by a long hiatus. I didn’t play in college, nor did my roommate Michelle, who now plays five times a week. I don’t even think we had a team, or even tennis courts, and my former husband, not at all athletic, didn’t play. After we split several decades ago, I remained in Washington, D.C. where I found myself alone and with no friends. I desperately needed to find my way. Classes in acting and modern dance didn’t offer much fun or friendship, so when a friend asked me what I had really liked to do when I was younger the lights went on.
TENNIS! [How did you know?] I got my wood racket out the closet, drove over to a nearby public court and found some players hanging out there, including a woman, also named Jean, who was also looking for people to play with, instead of only her boyfriend, a guy who recommended a psychologist because he thought I needed more than just tennis to get my life going again. Although I did take his advice, tennis proved to be the better solution. With their help, I began to get my game, such as it was after eight years, back into shape. After a couple of months, I moved from Southeast D.C. across town to the Kalorama neighborhood, which was closer to my job. My new apartment was also very close to the Washington Hilton Hotel, which at that time had a swim and tennis club. Another door opened by tennis, which once again brought me back to life. Now I was really into it: lots of tennis and lots of new friends. I once watched Jimmy Connors practice there, and more than once I saw two senators playing singles with women who were not their wives. Thirty years later, I remain friends with several of the players I met, although we now live in different cities — Philadelphia, Tampa, and New York. But history repeats itself. Five years later I moved to Philadelphia and once again found myself alone and without friends. But, you guessed it! Tennis opens another door. By now I had it down pat. I joined a swim club that had a single tennis court, which produced not only laps in the pool, but several people to play tennis with.
So where is the high drama I promised? Wait. It’s coming…
When I left Center City Philadelphia for the suburbs, I began taking lessons from an excellent teacher and signed up for his doubles clinic. I also perused club bulletin boards and found a player, Susan for an indoor winter contract; she and I played together for 15 years. It is the doubles clinic, however, that changed my life — and not for the better — although I couldn’t know that at the time. Here’s my story. In one of the doubles clinics, I bent over to retrieve a ball at the net, which sounds harmless enough. When I stood up, however, the guy in the deuce court across the net swatted a return that hit me extremely hard on the right side of my neck.There was just a brief sting, nothing else, so I continued to play. No big deal. Wrong. A very big deal.
About four months later, on Memorial Day weekend in 2002, my right carotid artery dissected, resulting in the first of four strokes. Although paralyzed just briefly, I was left with permanent weakness on my left side, which severely compromised my mobility and degraded what had become a fairly decent game, mostly because of my speed on the court. On the other hand, while tennis nearly destroyed me, it also pulled me through. During a 15-day stay in the hospital for a stroke-related procedure, I had a third stroke and brief paralysis yet again. While there, I watched the tick of the second hand on the wall clock. I spent most of the time, however, picturing myself back on the tennis court. I was also highly motivated because my partner Susan and I had already paid the deposit for our winter contract. No way was I going to let her down. It was July and I had until September to make it happen. I asked my doctor if he thought I would be able to play tennis again. Yes, he said, "but not as aggressively."
That’s the reason that the partner I didn’t want to let down ended up letting me down. Susan put up with my weakened game for several years, but finally it just wasn’t fun for her anymore because I didn’t give her any competition. She always won. I had already paid our deposit for the 16th year of our indoor contract, but she backed out last minute. My disappointment ran as deep as any disappointment ever has. At this point, I was left with not a single person to play tennis with. Yet I still had the contract. Now what?
At my husband’s suggestion, which I initially resisted, I called the tennis coach at the nearby high school, and every Monday Ashley assigned one of the girls from her team to play with me. What a lifesaver. How do things stand today? Through Ashley, I found Emily, who now shares the indoor contract. For outdoor tennis, I also now have more people to play with than I even have time for. How did this come about? I signed up with an online community of players at Tennis Philly.com, which has supplied me with a pool of at least 15 compatible players at my level and in my geographic location.
Once again, with the help of technology, tennis has helped me find my own way. My numerous Internet searches for “tennis in Philadelphia,” pointed me to Tennis Philly, an online tennis “community” that has changed my life as a tennis player as of the past 3 years. I now have as many matches as I have the time and inclination to play. I’m having fun, improving my game, and meeting lots of really nice people, some of whom have become my friends outside of tennis.
There is no reason at all for anyone to complain as much as I did — or at all — about no one to play tennis with. It doesn’t have to be that way. If something like what happened to me happens to you, here’s what you can do to resurrect a life with tennis. Sure, you can do online searches for tennis in your area, but much of what comes up is information about private clubs. If you are in the situation I was in, you can change your mindset, take action, find players, and get out there and play! You will soon be complaining that you’re sore from playing too much tennis. Let me make it easy for you. If you live in or near any of these cities, you can find plenty of compatible, nearby players.
Philadelphia: www.tennisphilly.com
Atlanta: www.Tennis-Atlanta.com
Baltimore: www.Tennis-Baltimore.com
Chicago: www.ChiTownTennis.com
Charlotte: www.Tennis-Charlotte.com
Cincinnati: www.TennisCincy.com
Cleveland: www.TennisCleveland.com
Denver: www.TennisDenver.com
Los Angeles: www.TennisLosAngeles.com
Miami: www.Tennis-Miami.com
Minneapolis: www.TennisMinneapolis.com
New York City: www.TennisNewYork.com
Orange County, CA: www.TennisOC.com
Orlando: www.Tennis-Orlando.com
Portland: www.TennisPortland.com
Raleigh-Durham: www.Tennis-Raleigh-Durham.com
San Francisco: www.TennisSF.com
Seattle: www.Tennis-Seattle.com
St. Louis: www.TennisStLouis.com
Tampa, St.Pete: www.TennisTampaBay.com
As you can see, I found my way with tennis, which continues to change my life and to bring me new friends and opportunities. Given my medical history, it’s a wonder that I can even play tennis. At one point, I figured that the best outlook for me was wheelchair tennis. Not for me. Those chairs are horribly expensive! My tennis game is not where I want it to be. But for me, to give up is to give in, so I am willing to continue to lose in a game in which I was usually the winner. To combat discouragement, two or three times a week I take lessons with two very patient and encouraging pros, Ted and Huibri, to work on my mobility and compensatory tactics. When I am in Sarasota I work with Jeff, who, because he sees me just a few times a year, can notice any improvement in my mobility. The lessons get expensive. But both my neurologist and my husband consider tennis ongoing physical and mental therapy for me, which is how we justify paying for it. In fact, it’s the best physical therapy I have ever had.
I am neither to be pitied nor admired, although sometimes people close to me do both, which saves me from doing it for myself. On the other hand, on the advice of a friend, I did buy myself an 8” tennis trophy with this engraving: Jean Kirshenbaum, Tennis Star. And to think, Monica Seles just donated all of her trophies to the International Hall of Fame museum in Newport! I look at mine before every match. It doesn’t help me win, but for some reason it does make me feel better.
Tennis helped me with one other thing. It helped me to resume reading at a time when my focus and concentration were very poor because of my post-stroke condition. But I could no longer stand watching television when I had always been a big reader. My first pick was something that I knew would hold my interest: You Cannot Be Serious, by John McEnroe. It was an easy read and it did the trick: I became more positive and confident regarding my focus and concentration. (Thank you, Johnny Mac; if only you knew). I then left tennis literature and moved on to the really deep stuff – the three books by Lance Armstrong. At this point, it’s back to literary tennis. I’m now reading Monica Seles’ book, Getting a Grip, and I’ve read John Marshall Fisher’s A Terrible Splendor.
Well folks, it’s time to leave the armchair and go play my match. I try to remember that it’s not whether I win or lose, but whether I enjoyed the game. That way, I always come out a winner.
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Many of you out there have probably also experienced tennis as a life changing activity. If tennis has changed your life, make it into a short story in 25 words or less. We’ll post some of your responses here on Tennis Now.com. Here are some examples to help you get started:
• I play tennis and he doesn’t like it. We broke up.
• I play tennis and he does, too. We got married
• I hurt my knee and couldn’t run for 6 months. Now I have a better serve.
• Mixed doubles ruined our marriage.
• My affair with a tennis pro improved my game.
• We left Greenland for Florida so that we can play tennis all year long.
• I grew to hate tennis. Now I love golf. Or, conversely…
• I grew to hate golf, now I love tennis.
• I broke my ankle. Now I do Yoga.
Submit your story to: Tennis Now.com.
Jean Kirshenbaum is a Tennis Now contributing writer and avid tennis player based in Pennsylvania. Her previous columns include Dressed To Kill: The Good, The Bad And The Ugly.