By Chris Oddo

Photo Credit: Clive Brunskill/ Getty

(July 12, 2012)--With Ivan Lendl’s poker face hidden behind his Terminator-style glasses, it has been very difficult for fans to get a read on what the stoic Czech is thinking during Andy Murray’s matches. We at Tennis Now were bothered by this, and we were also very, very curious, so we hired a mind reader to shadow Lendl throughout the Wimbledon fortnight in hopes of gleaning some perspective as to what makes the man tick.

It turns out that Lendl has a lot on his mind. We couldn’t print everything (he’s a shockingly vulgar man at times), but here are the top 10 recurring thoughts of Ivan Lendl, as monitored by our mind reader, during Wimbledon 2012.

1. “I wish Judy would calm the heck down. Would that be too much to ask? Honestly, I’d much rather be sitting over there with Mirka, at least I could hear myself think...”

2. “This god forsaken grass. I am forever doomed to experience heartbreak in its presence.”

3. “The hot dogs at the US Open are so much better.”

4. “Do I look fat?”

5. “The biggest set of your life Andy, and you make 49 percent of your first serves?”

6. “I had my doubts about Andy, but when he hit Tsonga in the stones from up close in the semis, I knew he could win this thing one day.”

7. “Who am I to criticize? I never won a set in a Wimbledon final.”

8. “Andy, when I look like I’m bored, that’s your cue to start faking the back injury.”

9. “Should I get fitted for a new set of clubs when I get back to Connecticut?”

10. “Oh, here we go with the crying. Now that is just too tragic. Not only does he lose the final, he goes and emasculates himself before his whole country. I did not sign up for this. Emotions are for the WEAK!”